This could be accomplished by applying water. So he picks up the trash can, puts it in the shower stall, turns on the water, and, when the fire is out, goes back to sleep. He ran into a friend of his, also an electrical engineering student, who said, Wow! My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking. The company demanded an itemised account for his charges. A sailor in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and asks, "hey, do you want to hear a Marine joke?". After a few minutes hes ready, he takes aim, and he fires. My overweight boss asked me to roast him at his retirement party Three lawyers and three engineers were travelling by train to a conference. The cars occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). After a while, the underworld had air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators, and the engineer was becoming a pretty popular guy among the demons.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-narrow-sky-2','ezslot_24',627,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-narrow-sky-2-0'); One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, So, hows it going down there in hell?, Satan laughed and replied, Hey, things are going great. How are you going to travel without a ticket? asked one of the perplexed lawyers. They have a supply of canned goods but no can opener. "Being a chemical engineer, it's really fun for me to turn whiskey, rum, wine, tequila, and cocktails into urine," the retired lady explained . The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. Retirement gets to you when every day is Saturday. A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head. His wife stares at him and asks, "Why on earth did you get 12 pints of milk?". I Get By with a Little Help from Depends by the Beatles. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. A retired husband is often a wifes full-time job. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); I am, replied the woman, How did you know?, Well, answered the balloonist, everything you told me is technically correct, but Ive no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is Im still lost. Now that youre retired, you can binge-watch all those great Netflix shows! Send him back up here or I'll sue. I'm an engineer. Instead of lying about your age, you start bragging about it! The others will write Perl programs. A sailor tells a joke to two Marines. Create an alert to follow a developing story, keep current on a competitor, or monitor industry news. Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. What are your favorite jokes about retirement? Because they cant hear a word youre saying! 1: What kind of music do you like?. ", "You're on, little guy!" Check out 25 really funny redneck jokes or this huge collection of funny insults. Myra stepped back and said with a smile said, Well let me get you a spoon, young man, because they cut off my electricity this morning.. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. The frog speaks up again and says, If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week. The engineer takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it, and returns it to the pocket. If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.. Being an engineer is a serious job. So we have clubbed together and bought Albert a dictionary.. Q: Whats the difference between Mechanical and Civil Engineers? A retired man purchased a home near a high school. Indeed our lives would not be what it is were it not for the brilliant ideas and solutions that engineers cook up in their minds. Another Worlds Oldest Man has died. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. An attractive retired woman answered the door. Accountants dont retire, they just lose their balance. Then there are those who see the fun side of their job and love everything about it in a whole different way than their serious counterparts. Our objectives go beyond filling positions. Musicians never retire, they just decompose. The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does. Are you looking for more retirement humor? The blade comes falling down, but again stops just short of the thief's neck. After a while, the underworld had air conditioning, flushing toilets, and escalators, and the engineer was becoming a pretty popular guy among the demons. Later that night the chemist smells smoke too. When I retire, Im going to enjoy my life and live off my savings. Retirement doesnt mean you also need to have retired humor. Read more. He spent a day studying the huge machine. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations. If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computeroh wait, he does. He knocked on the toilet door and asked, "Ticket, please." Ive got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the cars braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way., Well, said the Software Engineer, Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again.. "Ain't that just like a blonde? Q: What did the engineer say when he got an electric shock? He pulls out his lab book and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum. Good morning, maam, said the young man. Please leave a message after the beep. I know, said the Departmental Manager, Lets have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way., No, no, said the Hardware Engineer, That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. If you do, dont call me, Ill be at work. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); ", A graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost? They bring out the priest first, and he says "Please. Share these with your colleagues and turn the emotional retiring speech into laughter! One weekend Joe was enticed to go skiing with an old acquaintance, Rolly. Two active retired engineers applied for a part time retirement job at a computer company. Here are 20 career options to consider as a retired engineer: 1. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked, How much do you want it to be?, Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Manager asked the young engineer fresh out of university, And what starting salary were you looking for?The engineer said, In the neighborhood of $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.. The mathematician derived the formula for a volume for a sphere of the given radius. He says to himself, Hmm. Okay, now you say, Control Freak who?!. Why do you ask?, She just died, declared Joe, and left me everything in her will.. The engineer goes second. After several minutes, the engineer had had enough. I hope you dont get lonely. Stay connected for the latest news in your industry sector. 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An intern angel, filling in for St Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, Ah, youre an engineer. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. No one is ever going to call you "boss" again. The old rooster takes off running. Question: Why dont retirees mind being called seniors? Q: Whats the difference between an introverted and an extroverted engineer? He should never have been sent down there. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. Dont be too hasty, he commanded. Q: Why did the electron throw up? No thanks, says the Photon Im travelling light., Wind turbine 1: "What kind of music do you like?". The two of us will be happy to sleep in the barn. Go away! said Myra. The scientist submerged the ball in water in a graduated cylinder and measured the displaced volume. Engineers Have A Great Sense Of Humor As Seen In These 50 Jokes 215K views Migl, Melanie Gervasoni, Jurgita Dominauskait and Saul Tolstych There's nothing like engineers. And if they have eggs, get a dozen!". How are you going to travel on a single ticket? asked one lawyer. A graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work? A. Im afraid I did. Two antennas got married - the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding. Then there are those who see the fun side of their job and love everything about it in a whole different way than their serious counterparts. He pulls out his engineers pad and book of projectile assumptions. He replied, I cant wait.. Planning for a retirement party? How can you tell that youre getting old? A: Nice buttress. So here are some jokes you can tell, keeping the party going! Retirement gets to you when every day is Saturday. Q: How do you get an engineer to do something you want them to do? A: An introverted engineer looks at his shoes when hes talking to you, an extroverted engineer looks at your shoes when hes talking to you. Hey Boss, what's a committee? The moral of this story is: Dont mess with the older, retired individuals of this world. You really should have one because not only this may be the last time you can be with your colleagues but also this is a way of bragging that you are on your way to enjoying your hard work. Know an engineering joke we missed? Bank managers dont retire, they just lose interest. The insurance company paid for everything. That sure is a great bike. I got three males and two females, Wife: How on Earth do you know which gender they were?, Husband: Easy: three were on the beer, and the other two were on the phone.. There are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary, and those who don't. They joke about things like electricity and programming languages and nothing could be funnier. It was a cos for concern. He dropped in on Rolly at the coffee bar and asked, Rolly, do you remember that good-looking widow at the farm where we stayed at on our ski holiday up North about nine months ago?, I am just curious, stated Joe. I will race you around the farmhouse. I hear retirement is lonely. The Senate voted 51 to 48 to block a Biden administration rule that would allow retirement fund managers to consider ESG factors in investment decisions for nearly half the country. Jan 09, 2023. . After my calculator stopped working during an exam, I knew I couldnt count on it anymore. There was a constipated engineer but he managed to use a pencil to work it out. People believe, If it aint broke, dont fix it!. Youve got an engineer? He wakes up and sees that a cigarette butt has set the trash can on fire. Touch your elbow. The guy touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain. "I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know? They're tech-tonic plates. A Photon checks into a hotel and the receptionist asks if he needs any help with his luggage. I thought we were just all excited you were getting new tires on your car! How many retirees to change a light bulb? When he finished he said in farewell, I hope you get better. One elderly gentleman replied, I hope you get better, too.. Hey, retired guy, how many days are there in a week? He is only about five feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. They would sure thank you for sharing these awesome engineering jokes. A Mathematician, an engineer and a physicist were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train. Question: Why do retirees smile all the time? ", The engineer, arms folded, tapping his feet said, "Ok, but if theyre blind then why cant they play at night?. When do retirees make plans for their exciting, new, madcap adventures? You are signed up for our newsletter! A distraught senior phoned her doctors office. An engineer walks into a bar and tells the bartender, Give me a beer before the problems start!. What is the matter? the frog asked. Too bad the next step is retiring from life! Dont forget you can visit MyAlerts to manage your alerts at any time. A wife asks her husband, an engineer, for a favour. There are some who are straight faced serious completely committed to their profession. Short Retirement Jokes: What's In A Name? Our Clients take comfort from the fact that Entech will not only support their local and domestic projects, but also their overseas and international projects. Congratulations. The frog, confused, ups the ante. The CIA had an opening for an assassin. When asked what happens next, he said: College girls.. Four retired ladies are playing bridge. I survived a teaching career with my sanity intact. Civil engineers build targets. You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you! The company demanded an itemised account for his charges. It was a natural log.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_5',618,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_6',618,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2-0_1');.large-leaderboard-2-multi-618{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. RHR. How many days are there in a Retirees week? "God has to be a civil engineer., Well who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a perfectly good recreational area?". You wonder how you could be over the hill when you dont even remember being on top of it. So, take time to read our funny retirement speech jokes. Where did you get it?, Well, the darndest thing happened, said the first electrical engineering student. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. Funny grandmother portraits. Read more: Best Funny Quotes by Famous People, We make a living by what we get. 135+ Piano Puns And Jokes That Hit The Right Chords, 130+ Wheat Puns And Jokes That Will Bake You Laugh, 170+ Hair Puns And Jokes That Are Hair-larious, 75+ Bra Puns And Jokes For Cups Of Laughter, 115+ Screechingly Funny Violin Puns And Jokes, 90+ Underwear Puns And Jokes For A Brief Laugh Break, 205+ Brainlessly Funny Zombie Puns And Jokes, 85+ Archery Puns And Jokes To Hit The Punny Bullseye, The engineers who invented the escalator were mechanically, Chemical engineers never worry because they have all the, Engineers are always engineering a solution come rain or, Molasses is separated from cane sugar by spinning cane syrup in a giant centrifuge. Back in my day, we didnt watch TV while we ate dinner. What did the gardener do after they retired? A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job. Allow me to lie in the guillotine facing up, so that I might face towards God as I am about to join him.". Finally, the frog asks, What is the matter? Reviewed in the United States on February 24, 2009. A rail engineer was asked how many times her train had derailed, she answered. The physicist uses his glasses to focus the sunlight to burn a hole in the can. It takes two tries to get up from the couch. Funny Retirement Jokes One Liners When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch. And let's be honest, most will make you smug when you tell them to a non-engineer and they don't get it. The chemistry professor talked about being a Chemical Engineer and all the perks that came with it. Why won't you kiss me? My Boss has an OCD. ", Youre both wrong, says the third man. But then I think, since Im going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. Roofers dont retire, they just wipe the slate clean. "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess," said the frog. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Beekeepers never retire, they just buzz off. The engineer responded with a following invoice: Chalk: $1.00, Knowing where to cross an "x": $49,000. Plus, you can also find it amazing coz youll get a 10% discount! The bullet lands 20m passed the deer.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_8',603,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_9',603,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0_1');.large-mobile-banner-1-multi-603{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}, The statistician leaps in the air shouting, We got it!, One afternoon, an electrical engineering student was riding across campus on a shiny new bike. But you can still celebrate and make retirement a funny thing! He did nothing to the machine, just spent hours observing and examining. The old rooster is squawking and running as hard as he can. Seeing this, the lawyers decided to the same thing on the return trip so when they arrived at the station they bought only one ticket. Do you realize that in about 40 years, well have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? You cant remember the Website where you saw this list. They crash the raft onto the bank. One liner tags: marriage, men, retirement, women. ", The engineer reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. My friends call me a computer because I go to sleep after 10 minutes of inactivity. I dont have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now thats cool!, Did you hear about the constipated engineer? 04. Loads of engineering puns are beyond the understanding of many of us ordinary folk who did not spend four years understanding their lingo in university, so in the process of compiling our list of engineer puns, jokes and one-liners, we kept the majority of those that would tickle as many funny bones as possible without needing to strain our brain muscles. Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! "You must be in management," says the woman. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. he asks. Chemical Engineer Vs. Chemist The engineer just looked up the model number of the ball in the Red Ball Manual and read the volume off the page. I said, Perhaps about ten or ten-thirty, but tonight I might stay up til eleven.. The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. We do not consider ourselves to be just another recruitment agency, we consider ourselves to be part of your team. ", The doctor added, "Yes, well done to you. Whos there? "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back. Q: Did you hear about the engineers who invented the escalator? Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "ad5d98029ccf92be6e3a2a4d182ec6e7" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Youve retired from your job. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? And just where are you going to get a lawyer?. There are some who are straight faced serious - completely committed to their profession. The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they cant remember them either. If. A mathematician, scientist and engineer were tasked with finding the volume of a red ball. Good move. What's the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Story-Based Electricity Puns. The smile looks really good on you. They loaded up Rollys truck and headed into the mountains. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes., A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. A solution exists! and goes back to sleep. What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? ), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. They spot a buck, and each take turn to try and bag it. Why are retired people who are misers so special? Retirement Planning > Retirement Investing, September 16, 2015 at 09:11 AM Anyway, we do not have some dirty retirement jokes for now but if you have something in mind that you want to add to the list, please comment down below! Golfing is a full-time job! Its in case I should die before my husband. A: Rivet Rivet. A reporter was interviewing a 103-year-old woman. The guards allow it, and place his head through the slot. Says who? He made a special case of making fun of the wiry engineer on the site. That's a mistake. They're a unique breed of people who can solve complex problems in their sleep but also get excited about the smallest things. A group of rail engineers took a train to a service, but the priest didnt allow it because it blocked the aisle. They pulled into a nearby farm. There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. Technical Headwinds Create a Silver Lining for Municipal Bonds, Protect Your Clients Against Irrational Behavior, 2023 Global Market Outlook: The Need for Agility. A Photon checks into a hotel and the receptionist asks if he needs any help with his luggage. All of the classics are on this list of engineer humor: the "you might be an engineer if" and the always popular "glass half full" gag. Not until you have at least seen my demonstration. And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace, then the new school year began. Watchmakers never retire, they just wind down. Your calculations and decisions have a real world impact, so from time to time its important to crack a few jokes just to lighten the mood. The engineer spent one day with the huge machine. They had exhausted all options and could not fix the machine. Customer: Do you have any two-watt, 4-volt bulbs? Take your happiness to the next level with our collection of jokes. Early morning arrived and the weather had cleared. We've got air conditioning and flushing toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.
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