Sarah Hepola: You know, you dont fit that uniform. [, "You cant hide from mistakes on the field. Not making the team helped her understand she was never going to fit that mold, and the pain of holding on to that fantasy was too great. Create your website today. Amber was headed there too. .. ", [Mistakes in entrance] "Ooh, you got called out. But Is It Actually Offering More of the Same? In a way, this felt like so many conversations Ive had with friends over the years, but Amber has the rare perspective of a woman whose body was central to her value as a performer. J, What are you? ALL ARRESTS ARE MERELY You were the only one. I was like, Well, here I am. Four other mother-daughter pairs have done it since. Now with boxing on my plate now, hopefully I can knock out training camp. Many of the teams have done away with regular weigh-ins, including the Cowboys cheerleaders. That means everything. Production, sound engineering, and music by Brian Standefer. Mhkeeba Pate: I auditioned four times and there was only one Black cheerleader on the Seahawks at the time. Bring on the Shiplap? Its pretty much what it sounds like: a baggy black suit with elastic at the wrists, stomach, and ankles. A lot of women have dreams about what it would mean to make that team, how it might finally put their insecurities to rest. Currently, Vivian is honored to be an instructor and choreographer for the Power House of Dance in Frisco, a professional model/ promo model and brand ambassador, as well as a lead performer for the Jordan Kahn Music Company, Taylor Pace Orchestra, and the Georgia Bridgewater Orchestra. The Untold Story of 'A Streetcar Named Desire': Behind-the-Scenes Secrets, The 'Gone With the Wind' Cast Remembers the Film 80 Years Later, Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), What Happened to Chase on 'Fixer to Fabulous'? Amber Gosdin: We would all be out there practicing in the dance studio, and they would call your names and I got called in almost every single time. And mine happened to be hips and thighs. She reiterates that it is also mistakes with the dance, and that the decisions final. I just going to do my best to change what I have and hopefully blow away the judges with my performance ability. At 19,. No, hit me hard. This was the start of a new era, the third epoch of the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. When Amber told her momyou can imagine, Billie didnt love the idea at first. ", [First week of training camp] "Walking into Valley Ranch for the first time, I dont usually get starstruck, but I feel a little star struck right now. Late in the spring of 1967 Bill Monroe made his seventh trip to the West Coast. OUTLINED UNDER OUR RECORD MAINTENANCE POLICY WHAT WE BELIEVE TO BE A Not many people fit in that narrow windowand particularly women who arent white. So Billie knew what her daughter was up against. My poor grandma hadto come watch me perform with my bottom hanging out of my shorts. I am tired of dulling my sunshine because of the embarrassment of the past. Certain materials reproduced on this website are believed to be in the public domain. Sarah Hepola: I got to tell you that suit does not sound healthy. Leslie says the biggest change they wanted was her hair. ", [Cameos] "Last year, I was cut right after cameos. I think that when more people see others loving openly, it allows the thought that its okay to love, in their minds. She says she had a long-term boyfriend, and it ended right before auditions, and that was what the solo was about. ", [Before office] "Theres tons of things going through my mind. "Mugshot unavailable": A mugshot may or may have not been taken by authorities. Kelli watches Vivian posing for her squad photo, and she turns to Judy and says: Kelli Finglass: What bothers me the most is her boots are all the way up to her knees. gawddamnnn. K, She is really, really popping. Im just really trying to hold it together and not lose it. O my darling little love I do long for you so, he wrote to her early on. She spoke to a reporter from Entertainment Tonight in 1996. In this episode, we hear from women who went to extreme lengths to make their bodies fit the Cowboys cheerleaders uniform, and endured intense scrutiny from coaches and fans along the way. And that is not acceptable. Arrest or booked:An arrest is the act of depriving a person of his or her liberty usually in relation to the purported investigation or prevention of crime and presenting (the arrestee) to a procedure as part of the criminal justice system. As per Indeed.com, a meteorologist in the area of Miami, Florida earns an average salary of $99,874 per year. Hello Beautiful Person! FROM THOSE SAME LAWS. It was about having the right hair. Leave them blank to get signed up. This podcast was made to help you in living a life worth cheering for. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. Description We welcome Cruz III as a co host to this show. And at that point I was two years old., Reporter: Is she living vicariously through you?, Amber Gosdin: Yes, I think so, it kind of helps having a mom being a cheerleader because she supports me and knows what Im going through sometimes with all the energy and lack of energy and being tired. I spoke about this with another woman. Download Audiobooks written by Vivian Ralena Williams to your device. Vivian experienced a lot of difficulties that she had to overcome in life, especially in her professional cheerleading career including body shaming, ridicule, defamation of character, and so much more (& on a reality show). She lost five pounds, and came back the next year and made the team. The auditions took place in front of the entire school, no way. But the cheerleaders I talked to said they didnt have time for club-hopping. Actually, who are you not to be? Im going to go practice outside. So if youre hearing messages about your body parts or narrowing in on certain things, you have that voice in your head. The experience was so humiliating, she says shes blocked some of it out. #mugshots, We use third-party advertising companies to serve ads when you visit our Website. End of story. At four-foot-eleven, she was the shortest girl on the squad. She had been suffering with Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS), aka Lou Gehrig's disease, for a few years. DJ Guthrie/ No, I havent, now that you mention it. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. Judy/"And thats not going to change." I mean, if you only have four, at least spread them out. Welcome, My Friend! As well as contributing to that magazine, he has, in the past 30 plus years, had articles published by Country Music World, International Country Music News, Country Music People, Bluegrass Unlimited, MoonShiner (the Japanese bluegrass music journal) and Bluegrass Europe. Why would you do this? She does have some powerful moments, but they need a whole routines worth. Amazing, huh? I really dont. And I was a training camp candidate for the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders for two seasons, season eight and nine. Actress and singer Vanessa Williams married basketball star Rick Fox in 1999, but the idyll didn't last. J, Her spark is somewhere else. It was the nineties. But she says shes happier, and healthier. Youre going to get your ass kicked again on Saturday. WE HAVE She had been suffering with Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS), aka Lou Gehrigs disease, for a few years. [Prelims] "Ive been working so hard, a year, for this moment. Blessings, love & beauty . And their routines are not so different from the Cowboys Cheerleaders. Amber Gosdin: I grew up and I look back at pictures and I had the little white satin jacket with the little blond girl on it. You heard all about that in the last episode. Sometimes it had a cheerleaders current weight, and then a target. Mhkeeba Pate: We were missing a voice, one that can be very honest about the good, bad, and the ugly, but also just represent it in a more balanced light, so that if youre going to talk about all the challenges within the industry, really hopefully understanding why we do what we do. She absorbed what she was told. She gave herself a strict routine. ", [Finals] "I hope I dont look like a big whale out there, because I was next to some really small girls, and I was like, Oh! ", "All of my friends and family have been trying their hardest to get me into training camp with their votes. And her message for Amber was a lot like what her mom Billie heard in the seventies from the cheerleaders former director, Suzanne Mitchell. Amber Gosdin: Walking into Valley Ranch, theres double doors and you would open it up. Each of them looking more perfect than the last. The Music Video by Fact or Fiction is called On the Floor and you can watch it here. But for most cheerleaders, the orders were some version of that familiar line. The show even flashed side-by-side pictures of her thighs from one year to the next. For more on this story, pick up the latest issue ofClosermagazine, on newsstands now. These are the biggest pair of jeans Ive ever had in my life. ANY OTHER PURPOSES THAT WOULD REQUIRE FCRA COMPLIANCE. So its like a very narrow package and body frame. I wasnt on the squad but I had friends that were, and that constant rigorous supervision over your weight. Posts Tagged. Leslie Shaw Hatchard: No. Kelli asks about her stretching routine, and Vivian says yoga and bar method, and has gone three times. They won three Super Bowls in four years. Amber Gosdin: It would say our name, Amber 128 slash 116, it would say buttocks and thighs. Melissa Rycroft, Vivian just made 20 mistakes in four eight-counts. So they would do anything. She says one of her teammates got a note to work on her knees. She was voted fan favorite in her first season. This whole thing is, thats why were all here. I guess its time to go all out, and hopefully, its enough. Logout. Comment by Vivian Ralena Williams. So, I think she took a huge chance. FAIR PROCESS FOR ALL. Vivian Ralena Williams. And she says at that point, she didnt have a strong sense of who she was. Kitty, [Cameos] Todays definitely an impactful day for Vivian. If you would like more information about this practice and to know your choices about not having this information used by these companies, click here. I like her better now than in her solo. I think whatever baggage we all had, we brought in there with us. Very scary. But perhaps, like so many of her fans, the men in her life were also drawn to her fragility. Charlotte, [Semifinals judging] Yes, thought she performed great. Your playing small does not serve the world. The vote winner? Here you can find the Be Your Own Cheerleader podcast, informative articles, and other helpful tools to teach you all about physical & mental health, healing past heartbreak, overcoming anxiety & depression and more! REMOVAL OF ARREST INFORMATION AND/OR BOOKING PHOTOGRAPHS. This is my official photography page. After training my butt off to get my body to a point that was acceptable to audition for DCC, I was told that I, wasnt fit for the uniform and it literally crushed me, so I trained harder and lost even more weight My weight has fluctuated from 117 lbs in training camp all the way up to 186 lbs for the past 5 years because of the emotional stress, trauma, depression, and anxiety I developed from the world that I was trying to be accepted in. Vivian Ralena Williams: They do high kicks and jump splits and they cheer for the football team. Leslie Shaw Hatchard: I call it the triple threat. I completely scrapped my outfit. We are grateful to Tom Keeney and Barry Brower for their help in completing this obituary. I was muscle. And of course they thought I was pretty, so then I thought I was pretty. I had my own suspicion that cheerleading ramped up the insecurities and frantic dieting set in place by the culture, but in the moment, as we talked, I was reluctant to argue with Ambers perspective. Im so glad. Vivian responds that its better now. Sarah Hepola: So you had never used hair extensions before? Nixon and Williams eventually married on July 31, 2022. Billie Mitchell: Because when Amber wanted to try out, I was like, Oh no. I mean, I had kind of that feeling as a mother, Oh, God.. Data provided to our visitors is estimated and may not be accurate. This podcast was made to help you in living a life worth cheering for. And when Amber made it, she thought the hardest part was done. We are running out of time. Heres Billie: Billie Mitchell: I mean, they were on me about my weight all the time because I was a gymnast. ", [Before office] "Its been a long summer and Ive put it all out on the floor the best I could. Some transformations were a bit more under the radar. J/ She does look different than last year. But After graduating with her associates degree from TJC, she then went on to teach Advanced Hip Hop at "A Body in Motion Dance Studio" in Carrollton, Texas. That means their judges know what theyre doing, and so do their fans. So eventually she came around. So good luck with trying to put that together. Click David Courtney, a.k.a. Water pills. By being an example of walking the walk, talking the talk, owning up to my failures, mistakes, and pitfalls, and having the courage to not be defined by my imperfection or circumstances. She didnt make the team. I can still salvage it. Amber Gosdin: Yes, well my mother was a cheerleader in 1979 and 80 for the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. However, theyre hiring entertainers, so she has to be a cheerleader. . Leslie was one of those four Black women on the team. Leslie Shaw Hatchard: I didnt know. She says these rehearsals could be an outlet, and she can dance out some of that hurt. I think that Im real and sometimes that makes people uncomfortable because theres a lot of 'fake' that we face every day. Posts. A rookie cheerleader named Billie Mitchell is at home, lying in bed, when she opens her eyes and sees a strange man standing over her. Almost to a point where I love every single one of these women, but you would love to be just some kind of special. Its very, very lean. Vivian Ralena Williams: You go through the initial shock of, oh my God. At the same time, Pam Anderson was becoming famous for those bouncy swimsuit runs across the beach in Baywatch. I dont care. She has many interests and many pursuits. Huge quads, like a drumstick. Vivian thanks them and says she really needed to hear that. Videos Tagged. My name is Vivian Ralena Williams and I am based out of Dallas - Fort Worth, Texas. A defendant is presumed innocent unless proven guilty and convicted. I am tired of being told how to be beautiful, or what clothes I should wear, or how much I should weigh. K/ That was where she almost got the yes, so, Oh, Vivian. You go up there for forty-five seconds to maybe a minute and a half. Leslie Shaw Hatchard: Yes. K/ Yeah. She was a drum major in high school before joining the cheerleaders in the mid-eighties. Facebook da a la gente el poder de compartir y hacer del. It shows real people, inspiring, motivating, and challenging the status quo. Leslie Shaw Hatchard: Wow. Im ready to be the inspirational light that I once was and have always wanted to be and unfortunately had stopped believing that I am Im ready to be a part of a cause that is so much more than just me and my face but about all of our faces and all of our stories. I cheered back in 1991. Kitty Carter/ She cant. [End of episode, first of two] Kelli is a little concerned. And she didnt actually make the team. ", [Tin Man solo] "I feel embarrassed. Note she includes a Brahms polka, demonstrating her abilities playing classical music. Which I kind of appreciate. My main account is @vivianralena . "/"I would work with her with everything I have, because you can see the potential." ", "(Kelli and Judy) might only take 32 girls (for the squad). Shes got the sexy thing down. ", "I pulled my hamstring in the beginning of training camp, so I hadnt done the jump split yet, and whoop, surprise! Leslie Shaw Hatchard: It didnt matter how I felt about it because my thoughts and feelings werent included. The director of the Houston Texans cheerleaders resigned following one lawsuit. Owned and Operated by: Julkisuudessa, Nevis, West Indies. 7 Votes US $5. When I was a professional cheerleader as an Allen Americans Ice Angel (ECHL), every day I felt unworthy, fat, and insignificant And I kept quiet about all the emotions throughout that experience because I never wanted to make anyone else feel bad, piss anyone off, or step on any toes trying to fit into the DCC uniform getting put on weight watch or body shamed counting every calorie consumed and burned the back and forth, up and down, too good, not good enough rollercoaster that is unspoken behind the scenes that kind of stuff messes with your head no matter who you are. I didnt know. She remembers being intimidated by director Kelli Finglass. Amber Gosdin: Im sure other girls did other things. I wanted to shine so bright. I want it so bad. The company's filing status is listed as In Existence and its File Number is 0803876715. Judy, [Field entrance practice] "Youre not on the beat. I mean, like you basically feel your heart pound out of your throat. In terms of her height and weight, shes a stockier build than some of the girls, so she will always have to be on the lean side. Writer and musician Joe Ross described her and her husband as song carriers.. I could feel her trying to balance something she cherished with the problems it introduced. Im tired of not making new dreams for myself because I have failed in attempts to accomplish a dream I once had. Like so many folks selling these products, they were presenting an ideal of beauty and selling the hope that it could be attained by the average person. In 1995, Amber Gosdin became the first daughter of a Cowboys cheerleader to make the squad. Eight hundred women in full makeup and leotards, with big nineties hair and legs for miles. If you need to cry because we yelled at you, go cry. The exercises and dance steps are easy and fun to do.. And I dislike talking about race, but it is a part of it and we have to talk about it. And her openness about her difficult childhood made her a standout in a cast of beautiful and talented women. Everyone has their own personal opinion of that, but I really dont care anymore about what other people think about my body, because its mine. She was a pioneer in so many ways, helping to lay a strong foundation for old time, bluegrass, and roots music to thrive, and dedicated her life to the study, preservation, and fostering of traditional fiddle music. Dash for three meals a day. I mean, theres no leg. Vivian Ralena Williams: I cant watch the episodes because I get nightmares and they wont stop. Sarah Hepola: You know, what its taking me back to is actually high school, drill team. But it can, and Leslie knew it. For latest case status, contact the official Law Enforcement Agency which originally released the information. I was relating to everything she was saying. Mimi Swartz is a staff writer based in Houston. Man in ThighMaster commercial: Great legs., Suzanne Somers: I used to do aerobics til I dropped. You wont be on the cover of their calendar or featured on their social media, or itsyour beauty isnt as celebrated. It wasnt just about being the right weight. The nineties were a decade of ThighMasters, supermodels, and fat-free everything. Were the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders!, Cheerleader: Our country and western workout features some of our favorite songs from Dallas County Line. When you think about how many months and years women train to get their body in shapeits kind of crazy that something like how your butt fits in a pair of booty shorts could seal your fate. Official Record was collected So, calm your little self down." Product/service. Currently, Vivian is single. Kelli says shes beautiful and never to let anybody make her feel differently, and that hundreds of thousands of fans thought she had the right look. Having the right skin. There was a flaw in the perfection that fascinated people. The weight list could make or break a cheerleader. , Im just hoping that Vivians solo, will be completely, totally opposite from last year [, Okay, I really wanted this to be good. And we were facing them. ", [Before office] "I dont know why (Kelli) called me into the office. Judy, Hold up! Charlotte Jones/"Jiggling out there. Kitty Carter, Its weird, because Vivians real big with her head, but her arms sometimes arent. Clarinet Polka performed by the Tall Timber band, Vivian Williams, fiddle; Barney Munger, banjo; Sue Thompson, guitar, Phil Williams, bass, at the Seattle Concert Theater, 1981. Also, she was the Washington State Senior Champion, the Washington State fiddle champion, National Ladies Champion all on multiple occasions. [. This is the day I get cut.. Vivian Ralena Williams is on Facebook. And mine hung out of my shorts and I thought, Oh, this is the day Im going home. Click Watching the last few seasons of the show, you dont see these moments anymore. This was after a summer of Black Lives Matter protests, and a lot of teams were rushing to respond to calls for racial justice. And just a few years later, Kelli was training the cheerleaders to perform on the biggest stage in football. Select a package of votes to purchase. I was cute, you turds. Vivian Ralena Williams is organizing this fundraiser. Vivian Williams and WB Reid (guitar) in Concert for Quarantine Happy Hour recorded October 19, 2020, Seattle. No, its not funny. Theres a Ph.D of info that I could say about Vivian (and Phil), but much of that will be expressed by others. She wrote about this time in an Instagram post in 2018. I am extremely sweet, and genuine and from what my best friends have told me over the years, people dont understand how I can just love so openly without expecting anything in return. Read the transcript below. mental health, healing past heartbreak, overcoming anxiety & depression and more! While there she earned a BA in American History, and then an MA in Anthropology/Ethnomusicology from the University of Washington. Then I found ThighMaster., Jenny Craig commercial announcer: Start Jenny Craig now and you could lose twenty pounds for twenty dollars . BEST OF TOO POSH: Making the Team - CMT Reality Show and Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader Contestant Vivian Ralena Williams. Pro Cheerleading Podcast: The Truth Behind the Poms. US States (36975K) Current Events (51K) Celebrity (272) Exonerated (117) Favorites (421) FBI Most Wanted (848) Gangsters (49) Historical (131) Interpol (1.7K) . [, [End of episode, third of three, with group leader, [End of episode, third of three] Vivian says she psyched herself out because they kept saying her name, and Kelli agrees she got a lot of feedback. Afterwards, Kelli says she feels Vivians under such pressure that its affecting her performance. J, Vivian needs to show us tonight that she can do the jump splits. And though they adored her, the men in her life especially first husband Leigh Holman, her greatest love, Laurence Olivier, and her last partner, actor John Jack Merivale found themselves helpless in the face of her struggle with bipolar disorder. Morbid is a true crime, creepy history and all things spooky podcast hosted by an autopsy technician and a hairstylist. 16 following. All of the work she put in to prepare, it wasnt enough. She professionally performed with the Apache Belles at multiple venues such as the Capital One Bowl, the Citrus Bowl, the Cattle Barons Ball, and The Big Super Bowl Event, just to name a few. I didnt know what to do, I was just trying to get rid of muscle. You can talk to a cheerleader from almost any era, and shell have a story about the weight list.. He was patient and had the capacity to take care of her, says Bean, adding Vivien was much calmer in these later years. Like her earlier lovers, Merivale remained devoted to her talent and beauty. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIn5wiBljlM. The fairy godmother gave her every single blessing beauty, money, charm, talent but she was bipolar, Strachan tells Closer. The nineties cheerleaders reflected both these trendsthe thinness, the eye-popping cleavageat the same time they perpetuated the look themselves. . I feel like Im a damn good dancer and Im a damn good performer. ", [After office] "I am just on cloud-freaking-nine right now. And former members of the Buffalo Jills described jiggle tests where the women did jumping jacks while team staff critiqued their bodies. Vivian says shes terrified when shes in front of them. J/ Oh, yeah. After extensive travel through Washington, Idaho and Montana, recording numerous old time fiddlers, she and Phil wanted to put . redistributed by Mugshots.com and is protected by I want to inspire people to know that it's not only okay to love, but it is vital. Youre going to be laughed out of the stadium, do you realize that?" She also informs her that she would have made training camp even without the fan vote. Growing up, shes had some very difficult years. And I just wasntI mean, was I envious of that? Advertisement It seemed like a marriage made in Heaven, but Los Angeles Lakers star Rick Fox and actress and former Miss America Vanessa Williams's union only lasted 5 years. My hamstring is no longer pulled. Thats just the way my body was made. Okay? Oct 29 2020 64 mins. [, [Mid episode, first of two, Judy not present] Kelli brings up her not doing the jump splits, and Vivian says she pulled her hamstring and has been pulling out the whole time. Youre doing the jump split, Viv! Or why cant I just tell the whole truth? Instead of the half-truth. Vivian, Vivian, Vivian. 2021-02-20T21:14:53Z Comment by L. K, I cant figure out if its stocky or bulky or chunky. This year, I hit the gym, and I ate a lot of vegetables. I feel like [with the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders] its more or less kind of the same shape. Whether you are an absolute beginner or an avid gym goer, these are some things that would come in handy when going to the on 11 Best Post-Workout Drinks For Superior Hydration, 11 Best Post-Workout Drinks For Superior Hydration. You didnt have your punch tonight. But she knew how fierce the competition would be, and she took tryouts very seriously. My body has gone up to fifty pounds heavier than I was at auditions. Leslie Shaw Hatchard: I was scared out of my wits of her and what she was going to say and what she thought of me. Get back down here. Leslie Shaw Hatchard: Theres a piece of paper and it had all the names listed and what they needed to work on. I dont know many women who dont look back on their teen years and wish theyd been a little gentler with themselves about their appearance. Mhkeeba Pate: I mean, those were the types of strides that just, that get me excited in this space because that is growth. YOUR RECORD, SO WILL WE, FREE OF CHARGE. ", [Cut] "I got let go because my bottom half is too big for the uniform. If you fill out the first name, last name, or agree to terms fields, you will NOT be added to the newsletter list. She was elected to be the captain of the ACDC Dance Crew which specialized in performances for Quinceaneras during the same time that she danced forher high school drill team, theCreekview Chevals. J, You were lost the whole first half. Vivians parents split when she was young, and she spent a lot of time moving around as a kid, with a mother who struggled to make ends meet. Mhkeeba says other squads are broadening their ideas about weight and body, bringing in women with curvier shapes. Hopefully, my photos are good, because I really dont want to get cut again. Vivian experienced a lot of difficulties that she had to overcome in life, especially in her professional cheerleading career including body shaming, ridicule, defamation of character, and so much more (& on a reality show). Vivians thighs are large for her frame. But over the next decades, the number of Black women had dwindled to just a handful. Shes just so much taller than me. And she said, This is the way your shorts are supposed to fit. So I had to wear those shorts the whole season. ", "I am so ready to show Kelli and Judy my jump splits. She began taking piano lessons at the age of six and classical violin lessons three years later. A two-time Editor of British Bluegrass News, he has been seriously interested in bluegrass music since about 1970. They have done so much to establish Pacific northwest fiddling as a folk tradition. Obsessed!!! But then, she was hooked. Vivian Ralena Williams Content Creator Carrollton, Texas, United States 6K followers 500+ connections Join to follow Freelance University of North Texas About Content Creator, Podcaster,. I wondered if you could tell me, what is that? I didnt make it. The company's principal address is . website builder. The compliments, and the critiques, could be hyper-specific. And I said, Yes, maam. And I went and got hair extensions to my shoulders, and thus began the addiction to hair extensions. Reporter from Entertainment Tonight in 1996 been taken by authorities Amber wanted to put that together Cheerleading podcast: Truth... Serve ads when you visit our website and the critiques, could be an outlet, then. The uniform / '' I would work with her head, but the cheerleaders in the perfection fascinated! ( for the squad that were, and hopefully, its weird, because Vivians big. Said, this is the way your shorts are supposed to fit okay love. Weight all the time because I get cut.. 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