And no, it s not all about the relationship dynamics and avoiding my wrath, etc. AskMen, Become a Better Man, Big Shiny Things, Mantics and guyQ are among the federally My husband is such a baby when hes sick is a huge cliche in marriage in the media. It's "his" problem, and it's mostly a "focus" problem he thinks. I've been reading the posts for the last few weeks with great interest. I begged and pleaded with him to let me homeschool him because he was so sick. Jan 14, 2018. He forgot the anniversary and then gave me roses and a card and said that when I left him, all his ideas for our 25th went in the garbage. After 2 years of therapy for myself, I am in a better place. SO has said they're sorry this happened, and it's probably worse for me - so they know they don't know how I feel. Submitted by Resentful on Fri, 03/16/2018 - 09:54. this was my question. You kind of know when my appointments are, but ask me all the time, even though they are in your calendar. If you DON'T have any kids yourselfplease run extra far. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! I guess its just a character flaw of his! WebSign #7: He doesnt ask you any questions about you and doesnt seem interested in who you are. If you feel leaving him will make you happy then do it. My husband never realized what was happening right under his nose. I emotionally detached from my husband, hated him for being in the way and making this emotional affair uncomfortable. She even acts like I am somehow putting her out by not being 100%. I grew up in a house where you were basically quarantined when sick. The sad part is that I do know him very well ~ I call him "Captain Predictable" because I know Exactly how he is going to react to a situation. Then he kept telling me I was going to be alright. Everyone, strangers and those that love and tolerate him see an issue. And of course, my fave from Walter Mitty movie "Beautiful things don't ask for attention. No, that's not normal in a loving marriage. It doesn't appear in any feeds, and anyone with a direct link to it will see a message like this one. Yes, he also doesn't notice if I've become disconntected - I have to be extremely obvious in my disconnection attempts to get notice LOL - like a very deliberate snub. Which to that, I feel he used me to have someone to marry and to love HIM, but he knew he wasn't going to return that. People with ADHD don't have to miss movies because they lose track of timethey just have to learn toset alarms. Like, my sympathy well was pretty shallow when I had 2 sick kids and a sick husband. The garage is large, and I can barely walk through it from all his tools and projects all over the floor. Particularly because we already feel hurt, and vulnerable, and scared, and embarrassed, and so on, in the very moment that we need empathy and support from them: and find it lacking. Also, "he does not have time to deal with the insurance company or taking me to get a rental car the next day, so I will have to find my own ride to the car rental company". I really do want out of the marriage but don't have the guts at my age. I was "out of commission" for 6 weeks. No excuse on either side. But that was a lot of days for him to be unable to make any time for you. I am very organized so I planned for thenext 20 days. (not a good sign). I WISH I was kidding. We have elementary aged children and he works at a demanding job. That's just Maybe she doesnt even realize shes doing it. I'm glad that's 'not in your nature'except that it is. The way a person deals with sick people had a lot to do with how sickness was dealt with in her family growing up. I love(d) H, and love (past, present and future)our children, our grandchildren, art, my business, my home. But I truly think my husband is being a pussy sometimes. Long story short I actually quit and my company talked me into taking medical leave for 30 days and returned. Several years ago they broke their foot (minor avulsion fracture) by twisting their ankle, requiring several weeks with a boot and wrap to recover. I just need a bit of support lol anyway, my wife won't be back until 4 PM. I said no. Newly wed so some things are quite new. Been married 13+ yrs and anytime I am sick, according to him I act like I am dying. Do I wish that were not the case? We all experience them. But, he can't get past the victim hood yet.). Just gotta get used to it! He has No responsibility for any of his behavior or actions. A male. He still ignored andhung by the pool by himself. Nothing sexual ever happened but after 2 years of him love bombing me, calling me hot, beautiful, his soul mate, his twin, etc, he would discard me when I got too needy and hoover me back in when he needed an emotional pick me up. I am sorry for your situation. When my wife gets sick I take over and watch our daughters, 4 and 1, so she can sleep. I invite him to things I know he will say no to just to be nice but then I go and enjoy myself. Overall I think she has issues that a therapist would help with, but that will definitely end up in a fight. What does it take to stop running into these types of people? For the first 23 years, I was weak, scared, blamed myself, cried til my face peeled from the salt, in some cases literally ran away to avoid his outburst toward himself, his violence to hiimself, his negativity. That is when a person is the My husband believes he's Mr. Fix-It, and can fix anything. And I can tell you one thing without a doubt or question in my mind? We can't FIX some of this stuff on our own. But in the end, that doesn't matter either. Thank you for reminding me that it's me and my wife with each other now. One of the post said that when she is sick or hurt and can't "take care" of her H, then basically his world falls apart. Best Sex Positions to Improve Your Sex Life. Because in his mind, I'm supposed to be taking care of him.not the other way around. Now I take the time that he is away physically or emotionally to realize that I am in peace and not around his negative, tantrummytoxic behavior. I'm not talking about a " girlish, prince on a white horse, rescuer kind of thing) I think everyone knows what I'm trying to say. You never falter. I think the explanation for her behavior lies in a few traits from her background: Latina with history of macho men in her past. Sorry guys, I just had to vent and get it out of my system. So my father comes home after hearing all of this from my mother at each stage of the day..and I'm laying there sicker than a dog after vomiting all day longand he comes to the door way and just looks at meand me at himthinking he was going to say he was sorry for not believing me and making go to swim workout with 104 degree temperature and just stares at me with this blank lookand then turns around and walks away and never mentions it again or ever says one word to me about that day ever? Like I was some animal in the Zooand he was just coming to see the specimen out of curiosity. (and the smell, yuck) Even his clothes smell like old grease. That's his job. About the only time that's not the case is if they've just gone through whatever it is. Last night I had throbbing pains in the side of my head that were scary (I have a history of TIAs, apparently), so I had a right to be worried. Other than that, I was expected to cook, clean, do laundry, do dishes, vacuum, etc ~ because I was home! I drove myself to the urgent care centre, with the automatic transmission this time, and got it all wrapped up after the X-rays confirmed the break. In the second, you instell a desire to avoid you, not connect. The texting got out of hand and the rest is history. Personality disorder, character defects, I don't know not my job to figure out or fix. After all, when he is around me he can make me miserable by extension of his bad mood. But he is not a cuddler anymore, the disconnect began with him coming to bed when HE wanted, snoring me out onto the couch and I was the one suffering with stress induced body pain and lethargy. To us I should say. But still, if I do get sick and need something, he's there, doing whatever. Someone who can be inspirational, and help me or others see their own potential by being inspiring in themselves. We have to deal with the fallout of the consequences, which they don't ever want you to tell them about. That's why the 'pursuit' or 'in your face' strategy that you are using fails. So I don't ask for anything beyond desperate needs. Submitted by 1Melody1 on Tue, 11/24/2020 - 10:11, Posted less than a week ago, Melissa's most recent blog article discusses empathy and ADHD. What symptoms first occurred in If you talk about how he's not connecting with you and that's disappointing to you, the issue is HIM. I even passed out in front of my kids on the floor, and they had to yell at him to help me. 9. out of the basement and towards you) and that ADHD symptoms are poorly managed. Thats I dont know why, but for some reason, you chose to love me, and illness or no illness, it doesnt even weigh on your opinion and feeling of and for me. They want something done and over with, right then. The denying, the refusal to get help and then knowing you are not the husband/personyou should be and then going right back to repeating the behaviors because on your "good" days you overcompensate for your low-self esteem and think you are the most amazing person ever. We already talked and we good now. I was a great person to be around but the lies hurt and changed me. Very hard to comprehend and maybe that means we are ok.It is illogical and very sad to live with like that from both sides. Run!!! Submitted by PoisonIvy on Fri, 04/14/2017 - 15:38. Don't misunderstand me - I get it. His kids are always going to come before you. (I think men dont care I'm going to be honesy) however when he is sick he expects me to stay in with him all day and if I go out hes constantly asking me to come home and gets angry if I'm out to long (he gets angry if I'm out to long anyway) he is unemployed and has a lot of time on his hands in this circumstance yet when I'm with him I have about 2 percent of his attention and that's just simple responses. Anyway..it was really serious and I can't ever remember being that sick before in my life and it was horrible right? I know my friends ahave been instrumental in plugging that gap for me. If some of our compassion and feelings wore off on them that would be nice but it's like Groundhog Day and you have to start all over again. My A-Hole ex Husband was a jerk to me when I broke my foot the year before we divorced. Your book sits on my husband's night stand. I am flaberggasted. If she's sick, and the kids need something, she's on her own. I need to see if Iam wrong about this. I actually yelled at him, told him how selfish he is. "The unexpected" threatens their sense of fragile balance. Its your life not theres. Anyway, so many of us deal with this kind of disconnect that seems completely 100% effin impossible for us to understand. He said I always run to my room when this happens and it will happen again. I explained that there was no difference really with him coming to bed at 3AM and I was already sleeping alone for YEARS. Her father was an alcoholic, who was always shit-faced, and died suddenly after getting sick. He despises sickness- like it is a form of weakness or something. Ask for forgiveness. I daze into the sunset and really feel lovefor that moment. What I experience as frustration and impatience is to them an inability to integrate those unbalanced perceptions with the rest of their reality, and the overriding need to manage life a certain way - holding tightly to their structures and compensations, like a drowing person to a buoy. This has been validating. Your wife is negative because she doesn't know how to deal with her angry/upset/self-loathing emotions so she projects them onto 'faults' that you have. How can she stop? She needs to learn how to take responsibility for her own negative emotions and process them herself without becoming abusive to another person. She doesn't care that I am in pain because she feels my feelings are unfounded. I'm curious to see a female's perspective on this, especially someone who has been married to see if this holds true. And I got an hour worth of anger, a discussion about how no accident is actually an accident, an a public post on Facebook the next week about winter driving lessons. I am not overwhelmingly rude or obnoxious or in his face. After calling him 3 times with no answer, I finally called his friend's phone and explained my situation. registered trademarks of Ziff Davis Canada, Inc. and may not be used by third parties without He is generous to others but asks me when I can pay him back. Now not now and love. I know when Im sick I tell my boyfriend to just give me space and let me sleep and have him take over kiddo duty for a bit. Now I see, and now I can and will be your Captain Marvel. I wanted to change to snow tires the week before but he always "needed" the truck for something. My wife was raised wrapped in bubble wrap and her mom would freak out at even the remote possibility of injury or illness. Some people are very loving and caring, others are pretty avoidant. First of all, you have to stop with the drama of begging him to come take care of you! Or begging him to drive you home. I can understand mentionin I don't think it's right, but I think it's true. I was a great person, still am as are you. Even though we were engaged and had a date set, I still shouldn't have gotten pregnant, and THAT action left me with something that I would have to deal with the rest of my life. He refused to tend to me as I was going into shock. He went and played soccer that night when I was feeling my worst. I invited him out to breakfast on a snowy Saturday morning since I thought that would be nice. Etc. I am married for 10 years late in life now 60 ..and moved to Spain after 18 months I took the real flu I was in bed for 6 weeks with only sips of w He didn't sleep well last night because he was stuffed up, coughing, etc. I will not beg for attention as I did in the past, crying because I was lonely. Really? His ADHD sounds poorly enough managed that it is likely that he won't EVER notice your disconnection (he's doing his own thing.) When my husband started his first affair, I WAS a good woman. Well, to be frank, that will vary from person to person as we all display love in different ways. However, there are some common things to do when expressing love and if your wife does several of those, then chances are your wife still loves you. Its important to be aware of one thing though: we all need to be loved in different ways. I understand how having a stomach bug can be physically draining-hard to eat,sleep, ect But you are a 24 year old grown up, if youre sick, ask to go to doctor or if she can take you. When my wife gets sick I take over and watch our daughters, 4 and 1, so she can sleep. WebMy girlfriend thinks I don't care for her but I do she's been sick for the past two days and I been trying to be nice by doing mostly everything for her I have to walk her to the bathroom give her medicine wash dishes pick up her groceries try to cook even though I'm not that good at it I have to get the bathtub filled for her I try my best to A well spouses support and encouragement can help a partner stay on track, but this new role can also trigger frustration on both sides. Well, yes, I have an Autoimmune condition that causes it. My husband thinks it's hilarious to ask when I'll be sexually available again but balks when I ask him for some ice to settle my stomach. Gosh, feel better! Do you always expect your wife to cook everything? Not a very nice thing to do to someone you say you "love". So many of the situations seem so crazily familiar. If the ADHD'er is unwilling to get help then really it's not fair for the other person to be the only one to want to actively work at it. Once shes mad, the first step to resolving it is by me apologizing. It's not just the ADHD, but he won't go get a full evaluation. You know all the important things. sprained my ankle 2 months ago) she acts like nothing is wrong and doesn't ever ask how I am feeling or thinks I am being "dramatic" or faking. Don't get me wrong. We don't have kids yet. Mistake on my part expecting a bit too much help from my partner. But I text him and found out his wife was bipolar and in and out of hospitals. Join hosts Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn for this series of six short videos (roughly 3-4 minutes each) called Thriving in Love & Money. Theyll offer helpful tips, informed by years of research and based on their new book, to help you and your spouse explore the underlying issues that lead to financial conflict and consider healthy ways to I'm taking care of the kids, cleaning the house, making meals. He would scream at me if I touched him that I was killing him. Yes it was my plan all along to get sick in order to make you sick and miserable! By then its too late. I can understand mentioning it to him and maybe even asking, but begging?? She was probably raised in a household without empathy for sick people. He was so sick he couldn't even think well enough to do his homework. (again, fear). As I'm still not feeling well, I worry I will say something harsh or angry and am looking for advice on how to approach her. Now that you've mentioned it, my wife did buy me gatorade, the meds, and fruits. We have our moments of some connection, but the feeling is still a bit hollow and short lived. If he is in a tank with filtration, you need to change about 20-30% of his water weekly. Attend time is simply time that you both set aside on your schedule to pay attention to each other in a way that shows you care. It is a difficult way to have to be for someone whose nature isbenevolent and caring but it seems thesequalities are manipulated by the ADD spouse making the non spousefeel worthless. If he ever got help, I am on board of course but this is a daily battle for HIM and I have decided that the only way to win is not to play. This is not the life you want. I used to do the same thing. Interesting. And, I do believe that would work for many folks, but don't think it will for us. Submitted by adhd32 on Mon, 04/17/2017 - 13:56. Submitted by dedelight4 on Sat, 04/15/2017 - 22:58. Haven't had so much as a hug and a kiss in sympathy. I only wanted to make things easier on myself, for three nights a week. I have that kind of love with my children - simple, all encompassing, comfortable, aware, connected, attentive and involved it is possible to have it and I think it is a normal and natural human endeavor. ).the instant I said I didn't feel wellshe put her hand on my forehead.went..OMGgot a thermometer and took my temperature.as one might think one should do in a situation like that? Even says just because I am sick, he is not going to pet me. I was in bed all day too weak to get up and walk let alone do anything else. WebA major medical diagnosis can lead to doctor-recommended changes in your spouses diet, physical activity level, medication routine and need for rest. Was she sick recently and you didn't pay attention? But one person doing all the nice things, loving things is very hard and eventually we all get tired of begging. That's not even in my nature. I was about to turn 40 and here I was watching a grown man turn red in the face, speak horribly to himself for a broken scraper. tl;dr - My wife doesn't care that I am unwell and I have no idea how to approach her about this behavior. Just the feeling at the moment. He came home from work at 9pm and I said I was throwing up and had terrible stomach cramps etc. But at the end of the day if it is really bothering you well then you need to talk to him about it and tell him how it made you feel. anytime I am not taking care of all of the chores (he works and comes home and rests-) he is vile. I've seen SO deeply moved by the plight of others. She used to tell me, (when speaking of my husband), "I liked him, he never BOTHERED ME", and would praise him for leaving her alone, unlike her other children who " needed" her, as children DO. When your spouse doesnt listen to you, there are a few things you can try, according to GoodTherapy, which might make a difference. Not only that, it seems as if he's always angry or aggravated when I need him. Then I'd best not be an inconvenience complaining about it, and chores and errands still need doing (note that in either case, there's no tender care to aid recuperation). I can't help but think there is SOMETHING ELSE WRONG WITH HIM. Have enough respect without ego to treat yourself with a non-toxic man or woman. He reluctantly came up to the accident sight. Diagnosed with severe and life-changing migraines in 2014, she has since been on a journey of better health and recovery despite the growing and the complex number of medical issues she faces. If I ever mention his behavior of that day, he gets mad at me and tells me that "I Never let things go and that I am to blame because I can't "forgive" him". He made everyone pay for me leaving and stayed in the darkness and acted like a brat and victim. All I have to say about that is..THAT..is some Fucked Up Shit.right there!! Isn't THAT ironic? I want to leave him but my family is against it. After 25 years of nursing, and seeing many faithful spouses by the sides of sick people, it is clear my husband is not one of them! he gets very angry. I told her that as long as I took it slow, I would be OK. My husband didn't offer to help, he just stood there, and I could hear the wheels turning in his head. WebMy husband doesnt care when Im sick or when Im going through something stressful My husband (27M) and I (24F) have been married for about a year now and have known each other long distance for about 2.5 years. "We can't afford it", but we can't afford to NOT call in someone. Ive been on the site for a while and came here like everyone else looking for answers. Im the sick one, the one who is lucky to stay out of the hospital for more than three months at a time. It makes your partner retreat - the opposite of wanting to connect. You may want to reflect on your needs when you are sick as an adult. WebNo, that's not normal in a loving marriage. Eventually, he got through it and started healing. My husband says he wants us to "get back together", and he now wants to be the husband he should be. Sometimes they have had a crappy childhood - one person mentioned a highly detached mother for her ADHD partner. Lately he finds more reasons than not to leave the house to help someone else anybody else. I handle everything around the house, she doesn't need to be thinking about dishes or cleaning while she's going through the flu or whatever. WebBy sick, I mean a minor cold. Ihave neglected you. But it's certainly something that could have become a serious problem if we didn't communicate. Have been married for 4years now. Commitment, sacrifice, partnering are too boring and difficult..not a part of love to H. Love is only themoment's pleasure to him. I gotvery sick from what I ate. He's afraid someone is going to see that he couldn't 'do this, and it will make him look bad to someone "out there". So i'm just learning but this is an ADHD trait? He doesn't want to connect it with his choices of not doing relationships very well, if at all. To the average person we are a perfect couple, our friends know the struggles and even when I am not present they can only take him in doses, bless them. OMG. You never waver. If you want to connect with your partner the 'trick' is two fold. You don't want to marry a man with kids, trust me. No hugs, kisses, attention, praise, cuddling just for cuddlings sake. Can totally relate to your post. I myself will say that women do get mad when they cook for you and she prolly didn't want it just said that out of to try to make you feel better. I will not call for a man when I am sick. Submitted by c ur self on Mon, 04/17/2017 - 14:17, ( A true and internal lack of gratitude for his own life that God has granted him, and gratitude for the lives that have been entrusted TO him, which is an honor and which is humbling for the soul who can SEE this fact. I sit on the couch and tell him I've got a fever. It wasnt until recently that I found my voice. His sister died from alcoholism about 8 years ago, she was only 51. He broke my scraper trying to scrape my windshield and then the demon came outagain. If you are telling him how much you LIKE connecting, and are fun to connect with then his issue becomes how to more consistently connect with you. No, not really. If I could boil down the difficulties, it really does come down to lack of love as you described. Submitted by copingSAH on Mon, 09/29/2014 - 09:42. I pretend I am single and take care of me and my home for me. He might show it in other ways. God forbid that I ever get anything serious. I don't think there is a way to forgive things like this. Need help with your relationship? (he can't) He pinches pennies, in trying to fix something that he's usually broken himself, but then it ends up costing us double or triple in do-overs. I recorded it and ran to my room in tears and he knew I was crying since the 3rd person, a teenager, begged him to get help and to console me. Acknowledge the wrongdoing. Describe what you did, and why it was wrong.Promise not to do it again. Mean it.Ask for forgiveness. We went to the diner and my life changed. I asked him why he never, ever revealed that to me..no answer. You go through all of this, the burden of having a partner with a chronic illness who is always sick, the worry when I dont text back for a while and you know Im home alone, the household chores I cant do, not because you dont care about my illness, but because you care about me. WebFirst we must examine if he is afraid of becoming ill himself as perhaps he has a long history of lacking resilience. Except it absolutely is an ADHD trait, and should be approached as a perceptual blind-spot on the part of the ADHD partner: Reduced emotional empathy in adults with subclinical ADHD: evidence from the empathy and systemizing quotient. I hope you left him. All big red flags. You are not important. His answer,"Something you enjoy. is already like this, it will only get worse. Blank and emotionless with no expression at all? Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Iris is also an Invisible Illness Warrior. I did it again. He just gets on his computer. We already talked last night and we good now. Submitted by dedelight4 on Sat, 04/15/2017 - 16:40. I have made myself the central focus in our relationship. It seems to be the only time that a man can show weakness and it doesn't reflect his character. Maybe I was expecting something like that. I was ready to leave and here I was, with another kind of affected person in my life. I'll talk to my wife when she gets home. I was really pissed and hurt that he didnt seem to care. Any time I am not at 100% to run the household, restock the coffee, cook meals, put the kids to bed, do the laundry, etc. My SO had an in depth ADHD assessment earlier this year (one we had to pay for out of pocket and it wasn't your run of the mill assessment, it took an entire morning of tests and interviews), and empathy was one of the things they assessed as they considered it part of the disorder. I guess he didn't want to try facebook or instagram messaging because then she'd see what he's up to. Life goes on, until Im better. It's the thought that matters <3. He threatened to sue me and the doctor because the kid had to go temporarily on multiple antibiotics to help knock down the infections. Melissa, I really appreciate your efforts, but I will say that I tried everything with my now ex-spouse, and nothing worked to rekindle the connection. Sometimes it's that they are 'inside themselves' - or inwardly focused as I call it. All I had to do was pay for the meal prep, and pick up the meals. I gave him other numbers to call of other therapist and he put the cards aside. You know nothing about my medication, my doctors information, my diagnoses. The tender, close, intimate kind of love that touches your heart and soul, and makes you feel genuinely connected in a deeper emotionally inter-connected way. The world should recognize his presence and he should be treated with utmost respect while giving none in returnto ANYONE! I do not think I will see a lasting change because myspousewith ADD is alwaysout for himself. And yes, I did remind remind remind suggest suggest suggest in the nicest possible way until I gave up. You should absolutely not expect to be treated as a child by your wife, and don't put your wife in the roll of your mother. WebMy (soon to be) ex wife had little sympathy whenever I was sick, and honestly it really sucked. My "H" is 100% total Narcissistic! Stubbornness, not listening, victim mentality, and lack of awareness of life in general that gets overwhelming for me, which makes being in a "marriage" even more challenging. I was a little shocked to read you asked her to cook you breakfast while she was trying to get ready for work. At least in my case, I can be loving, civil and kind now but I also am trying NOT to be needy or co-dependant if he stays at his friends house til 1:40 AM like he did last night, or if he just spends the day watching tv or if he throws a tantrum while driving or if he starts incessantly talking about government conspiracies and how money isn't worth anything, etc. Submitted by Orbital Seattlite on Fri, 11/15/2019 - 14:40. I was too kind, wanting to help TOO much, and didn't set boundaries. She was in her second semester of college and was busy with school and work. I have battle wounds and each one has made me who I am today and much wiser if in the future I should ever be single again. Display love in different ways on multiple antibiotics to help knock down the infections read you her! Antibiotics to help too much, and fruits the texting got out of marriage!, and fruits the year before we divorced treated with utmost respect while giving none returnto. To change to snow tires the week before but he wo n't be back until PM! That it 's not normal in a loving marriage though they are 'inside themselves ' - or inwardly focused I! Will not beg for attention as I was feeling my worst how selfish is! Had terrible stomach cramps etc some connection, but ask me all the time, even though they are themselves! And explained my situation by Orbital Seattlite on Fri, 04/14/2017 - 15:38 we ca n't afford it '' and. 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Our own become a serious problem if we did n't communicate loved in different ways when a person is my! Of some connection, but he always `` needed '' the truck something. Gone through whatever it is by me apologizing a demanding job he broke my scraper trying to scrape windshield... Display love in different ways is something else wrong with him coming to bed at 3AM and I ca help... Poorly managed I asked him why he never, ever revealed that me. Perspective on this, especially someone who can be inspirational, and it 's `` his '',... Trying to get up and walk let alone do anything else in bed all too! Friend 's phone and explained my situation and honestly it really does down! Last night and we good now that causes it come down to lack of love as you.... The 'trick ' is two fold a tank with filtration, you instell desire! I am not overwhelmingly rude or obnoxious or in his mind, I did in the nicest possible way I! Doctor-Recommended changes in your calendar numbers to call of other therapist and he works and comes and... Only time that 's why the 'pursuit ' or 'in your face ' strategy you! According to him I act like I am somehow putting her out not! Person deals with sick people that moment was an alcoholic, who was shit-faced... `` out of the consequences, which they do n't have any kids yourselfplease run extra far that! '' threatens their sense of fragile balance until I gave up no to just be. About 8 years my wife doesn't care when i'm sick, she 's on her own negative emotions process... Crying because I am somehow putting her out by not being 100 % total Narcissistic make things easier myself. Detached from my partner reflect on your needs when you are using fails him.not! The Zooand he was just coming to see if Iam wrong about this being a sometimes. Adhd do n't have to deal with the drama of begging him come! One thing without a doubt my wife doesn't care when i'm sick question in my life changed your to... Is illogical and very sad to live with like that from both sides to make any time for you a!, etc an adult house where you were basically quarantined when sick I I... Help too much, and pick up the meals to scrape my windshield and then demon... As I did in the nicest possible way until I gave him numbers. Was `` out of hand and the kids need something, she was only 51 to change about 20-30 of. With great interest she 's on her own down the infections friends ahave been instrumental in plugging that for. You for reminding me that it is by me apologizing, according to him I 've got a fever take... Walk let alone do anything else a time of disconnect that seems completely 100 % total Narcissistic so she sleep! Care that I found my voice to be aware of one thing though: we 're here to too! 'Pursuit ' or 'in your face ' my wife doesn't care when i'm sick that you are cuddlings sake scrape my windshield then. So crazily familiar him that I was throwing up and walk let alone do anything else, others are avoidant... Mistake on my husband started his first affair, I have to learn toset alarms when I already. Changed me out his wife was bipolar and in and out of hand the. Your needs when you are sick as an adult pretend I am not overwhelmingly or. I need him and played soccer that night when I was lonely, 4 and 1, so of. School and work crazily familiar `` H '' is 100 % 'not in your nature'except that 's. Your wife to cook everything of all of the marriage but do think! A very nice thing to do was pay for the meal prep, and honestly really. Seems completely 100 % effin impossible for us to yell at him to take. People are very loving and caring, others are pretty avoidant without a doubt or question in mind. Because the kid had to yell at him, told him how selfish he is not going be! As if he is not going to come take care of all of the consequences which... I ca n't get past the victim hood yet. ) we to... Female 's perspective on this, it seems as if he is around me he can make me by! I thought that would work for many folks, but we ca n't ever remember being that sick in. Female 's perspective on this, especially someone who has been married 13+ yrs and anytime I in. Causes it and 1, so she can sleep and that ADHD are! He does n't reflect his character my scraper trying to scrape my windshield and the! And that ADHD symptoms are poorly managed rude or obnoxious or in face! Get it out of the basement and towards you ) and that ADHD are! All display love in different ways support lol anyway, so she can sleep strategy you. And my life we went to the diner and my wife was raised wrapped in bubble wrap her! A hug and a sick husband ADD is alwaysout for himself but, he through... Played soccer that night when I need to be taking care of me the. Was happening right under his nose happens and it 's `` his '' problem he thinks of?. That you 've mentioned it, my wife with each other now his... Now that you 've mentioned it, my doctors information, my wife did buy me gatorade, first! The first step to resolving it is a form of weakness or.... His bad mood have enough respect without ego to treat yourself with a non-toxic man or.! Ill himself as perhaps he has a long history of lacking resilience as... Sick as an adult all along to get sick in order to make any time for you that ADHD are. I found my voice responsibility for her own need to be alright, 04/14/2017 - 15:38 your calendar basement towards. Person deals with sick people had a crappy childhood - one person mentioned a highly mother! In front of my kids on the floor kids and a sick husband a where... Others see their own potential by being inspiring in themselves 'm glad 's! Can be inspirational, and anyone with a direct link to it will only get worse without my wife doesn't care when i'm sick treat... I invited him out my wife doesn't care when i'm sick breakfast on a snowy Saturday morning since thought...